Sunday, August 30, 2015


It's been a full week since my sister's wedding and I couldn't be happier to be back in the swing of things. I've been working a lot lately, and I'm praying that I will keep busy for years to come. Right now I'm just lying on my bed in Glendale, listening to some country music while studying up on some psychology.
Alex, an a-dork-able southern gentleman/veteran just left my house after a little romping today. It was much needed after being teased on my date last night. I feel really lucky to have a friend like Alex around since single life can be lonely. We've been seeing each other, as FWB, for the last few months, and it really takes the frustration away from my situation.
Nothing is worse than feeling completely alone in a big area like LA. We meant to study lines today, but fuck, that didn't get done at all. We were having too much fun just doing what we love to do - mess around.
Alex is an actor too, although very new to the game. He'll do fine since he is charmer. He hasn't anything to worry about.
I just have to be careful to keep myself from falling in love with him romantically.  I already love and appreciate him as a friend, but romantically, yeah, that's never going to happen. I need to find someone like him though. Smart, funny, attractive, an aggressive dominant- someone who can purr and growl in my ear. Yeah, purring is the biggest turn on ever.
Seriously, men, if you know how to purr, try it out on a lady who is digging you. A little growl can go a long way.
Well, as much as I'd love to have the perfect man in my life, I am kinda having fun being single. I was able to get a free dinner and movie this weekend, which never happens, so at least I have that going for me.
By the way, Straight Outta Compton was a freaking great movie. Totally worth a watch, even if you don't like that type of music, you'll love how well it was shot and produced. Very tasteful and insightful. Apparently Ice Cube's son played him in the movie too, which is pretty fucking cool. He looked exactly like him.
Life is good. Tomorrow I work on Grandfathered as a pastry chef again, and then we will see what happens with that agency this week. Cross your fingers that something awesome will happen.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Average, everday re-registration

Today I went to Central Casting in order to update my photographs and change my new address. It was weird waiting in line because I always seem to draw the crazies.
One former homeless man who became a background artist was there to re-register and he saw me in line. We've worked with one another before, and every time I see him I get this weird drop in my stomach. He always runs over to me and throws his arms around me, and I have to stop breathing for a second so I can get through the hug.
So there we are, stuck in line. One almost directly behind the other. It's impossible to escape him, and this wolf wasn't willing to chew off her leg to get out of this trap. I'd been waiting there for so long, and I wasn't going to get out of line for this fucker. So I decided to make the best out of the situation.
Now I have to admit, I'm not the nicest person you're ever going to run into, but I really do try to be a decent human being. Me being me, I tried to be as polite as possible, even though I really didn't want to talk to him, and struck up a conversation. We had to wait outside Central for God knows how long (all in all, I think 1 hr and 30 mins), so what was there really to do other than humor each other?
Call me an asshole, call me what you will, but I hate talking to this guy. It isn't because he is homeless, and it isn't because he is weird - although, who could deny it?
But this guy is pretty invasive, and I always hate talking to him because he asks weird questions about my life and then he makes it sound like all the choices I've made in my life were wrong.
Excuse me, but who is the homeless/former homeless person here?
Anyways, he is telling me how I should lead people on to get what I want, and I'm politely disagreeing with him. He wont let the subject go, even though I'm definitely willing to.
He starts yelling the whole damn time, his voice escalating to the point where one girl picked up her bags and walked away. He doesn't even notice. His voice is booming- the fucker sounds like a blown sound system. No one cares to listen, but he just keeps rambling on. I've stopped talking for quite some time at this point, and am slowly trying to face the door to Central to shut him off.
Finally, an older white guy who just can't take it anymore says a quiet, "Shut up."
Shit. Hit. The. Fan.
The homeless guy just starts screaming at the old white guy, then he throws out the word nigger and everyone's getting testy. He starts screaming how shit's about to go down, threatening to hit the older guy. The poor innocent people in line are all exchanging glances and shifting around. No one knows what is going to happen. Including myself. And I feel like an asshole for being the one to start it all.
Now usually Central has a large black guy that does security right outside the door, but today, he wasn't here. Out of all the days to not be here and a fucking fight is about to go down!
A few people in line are quick to chirp up now, and they tell them to let it go and stop talking to one another. Things are finally silent and we are left to sit there in silence for another 40 minutes before the doors to Central open. It was awkward as fuck.
When we get inside, I handle my re-registration, change my address, run into an old college friend - which was the highlight of my day - and moseyed my ass over to In 'n Out. It wasn't delicious at all, but it held me over until I could re take my pictures at Extras! Management. I'm hoping all the trouble was worth it to get me more work.
Now I'm just reviewing lines on my bed for my reel. Life is fucking weird.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Life as an actress

Well, here I am. 25, single, living on my own, and chasing a dream. It's all very new, and definitely exciting as hell, but it can be very frustrating and scary too. I guess most people think that way about life. It'd be a lie to say that we are not afraid that our hopes and dreams will not work out. But it'd be even scarier to think that we didn't even try, right? I want to say something profound and thought provoking, but I'm just not clever enough to come up with it. I can only give my own life examples and hope that someone takes the time to read my bullshit.
So, here goes...
I've literally sat all day in front of my computer, looking up all types of roles to portray, and nothing seems to fit the bill - unless I were to show full nudity. And this bothers me. It literally bothers me to no end because I am so hungry for this.
Acting is the only thing that I've ever had a passion for. I enjoy it because I want people to feel as I feel when I watch movies. I get so caught up in the world, in the character's life that I lose all sense of myself. My heart pumps loudly; I take deep breaths; I even have this little tick where I place my right hand directly under my throat and on my chest, as though it will protect me from being so vulnerable to the character's emotions. I feel enthused, overwhelmed, inescapably desperate, adventurous and romantic, all within a two hour slot. And I love it because I love to feel alive. Movies, shows, they allow me to feel alive. When I perform, I forget who I am and it's acceptable to become someone else, no matter how kooky or strange that person may be. Everything interesting (or uninteresting in the world) comes to life and I feel... That's just it... I FEEL.
And I want to inspire others to do the same.
Usually, alone in my room, I'm just so numb. Perhaps it's because I feel so alone. I feel like my life, my breath is wasted. I'm uninteresting; I'm background.
But when I act, I have a part in someone's life, no matter how small. I'm there, I have a say, I have a presence. I'm dignified in a way where I'm seen not as a customer or an extra, but as a sole person with independent thoughts and actions. And, even better, I have the power to emotionally affect people.
When I first was granted that power on stage, it was otherworldly. It felt like I was living with purpose. When I was crying, they were crying, when I was smiling, they were smiling. It was beautiful.
The feeling of making people laugh in general felt amazing. The energy just lifts in the room and everyone is smiling. And there is nothing I love more than seeing people smile.
I've noticed that when I'm watching a movie or show I tend to look at whoever is with me, as though I'm gauging their reaction. I'm trying to determine what their thinking, how they are perceiving the show or plot twist. I'm genuinely interested in what is running through their mind.
It'd be shallow to say that I didn't enjoy the attention, but this type of art calls for an audience, just like a painting, dance routine or work of scripture.
One thing is for certain though, I can't wait to show the world what I have to offer. I just hope they like it.